Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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