What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize