It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you inspire me to be a worse person
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
