So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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