It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
