How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize