My nipple is on Facebook.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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