she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
