There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
