He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
