You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
