My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
