im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
