Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
