put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I could make wine with my vomit
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
