So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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