Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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