Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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