my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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