I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
