i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
