Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
