Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
sex in a hospital.. check
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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