the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
