ugly people sure do ruin things
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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