for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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