The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Randomize
