also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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