i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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