Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
