you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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