I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
