i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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