Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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