just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
