my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
