You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
