i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize