I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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