Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
