Yo dont text me then not text me
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Ketchup is God's man juice
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
