Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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