i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
