my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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