I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
please come you make the beer taste better
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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