Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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