Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
