Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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