Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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