Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
