i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
