guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
