I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
