Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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