First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He has the fingertips of a God
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