now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The feeling are messing with the penis
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
