everyone is single if you try hard enough
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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