I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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