What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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