Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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