Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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