Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
