Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
