Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
