i jhust puked up my retainher.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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