He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
