So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
