I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
